girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
