no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
this boner is exhausting
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
