Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
