i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
