We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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