It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
