I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
