His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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