areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
