I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
