R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hate all girls vehemently.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
