i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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