Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
