so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
