You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
