I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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