we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
