the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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