would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
