it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
