She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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