You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
