when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
