Got a toothbrush?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
