I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
