ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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