addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
