When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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