how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
