I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
