I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
