how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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