i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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