My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
