She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
