On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
