I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
