I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
