so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
