Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
