How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
