I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
