Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
