Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
