oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
