Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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