I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
