My room smells like vodka and shame
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize