oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
