were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
