You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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