Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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