can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
