Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
