Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
