peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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