just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
