I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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