Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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