Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
