I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
