Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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