i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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