i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
