glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
