She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i was born a porn star she said
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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