yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You left your phone here
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