the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
